Priceless

Thank You Letters $ 8

Sorry Brownies $10

Alcohol $300

Hospitalization $ 500

Ambulance $1500

Housing License Repeal $5520

The memory of swimming in pools of my own vomit, reminiscing whether or not I would die there in that hospital waiting for my roommate to pick me up and take me home

The throbbing aftermath confronted with a 24- hour hang over, counseling, essays, meetings, and millions of alcohol pamphlets all concealed with a curtain of smiles and the belief that I am okay

The humiliating confession of my vulnerability and weakness to the broken faces of my parents as they see the thousands of dollars in damages for my poor decisions that has caused fights between me and my conscious, reputation, friends, family, and loved ones that has only amounted to a lost in trust within myself and within my friends

Priceless.

nose bleed.

I was standing there; head down, naked from head to toe with hot water beating down against my back, watching the never ending drops of blood fall from the tip of my nose. I stood in that pale beige stall for what seemed like hours, lost in this strange sense of time where nights were days and days were nights and life seemed to become one long continuous cycle of mechanical tasks. There was no distinction from sunset to sunrise or from sunrise to sunset. And with each drop passed another day that I could have had. Another day where I could have made a memory, but instead I am left with this infinite day.

I find myself watching people. Watching people come home and people go home and people leaving and people running, but all the same people going somewhere and I am no where but here. My days filled with nothing but air. My heart forgotten. My breath slow. But there is an inconsistency to my predictable life that is the basic foundation to my existence.

It is the waterfall of crimson red from the tunnels in which I breathe. It revives my being, reminding me that there is life in the warm blood that rushes with a fervid force throughout my veins. It is an opacity that will not last. It is the reason why I know that this day will end whether it be tomorrow or the next day or the next year. It will end because there is something finite to this infinite bloody cycle and it is that that makes my heart remembered and my breath strong.