Dear N,

You are not here with me. And I am not there with you.

and i miss you. I miss you in the number of days that you have been gone. And i miss you in the number of candles on your birthday muffin and the number of times my phone rang before you gave up. And I miss you in the number of times you have ever been lonely. I miss you in all the movies we haven't had a chance to see. I miss you in all the tears I've cried laughing at you and you at me. I miss you in all those wife cakes we've eaten and gotten sick over. but most of all, I just miss you.

You're twenty two today. and you're a world away from me and I'm a world away from you, but I'm with you. And I have your banana nut muffin cake complete with twenty two candles... but I'm stealing your wishes.

Because I need you to come back and I need you to do something great and I need you to stay safe and sleep soundly. I need you to create memories and I need to you to make stories and I need you to know that we are all safe and blessed to have you. So, I am stealing your wishes knowing that they will come true.

I love you.